Livin' on a Prayer
by AtLoLevad
Summary: Halstead gets called back to the Rangers. Lindsay is there for him. Rated for future chapters
1. Chapter 1

_September 29, 2014_

_Dear Staff Sergeant Halstead, _

_It is with great pride that the United States Army Rangers call upon you to return from Reserve Duty to fight a tour. The U.S Army will reimburse you for travel expenses to travel from your current location to Fort Lee, Virginia. _

_We expect your arrival at Fort Lee before October 20__th__. _

_We await confirmation of your receipt of this letter. Do not delay in response. _

_Sergeant Major Michael Rider_

* * *

><p>Halstead's hands shook as he read the letter a third time, and then a tenth time. His fingers released the heavy stationary, his call to duty floating gently to the floor.<p>

_Fuck_.

His hands were still shaking, and his fingertips were growing cold.

_No. _

"Why?" he muttered out loud, a growing feeling of dread taking place in his gut. Stepping over the letter, Jay moved robotically into his kitchen, pulling down a glass, any glass, and grabbing the bottle of whiskey from the counter.

He downed a shot, and then another, and then another before slamming the glass onto the counter and abandoning the alcohol for his couch.

_The Army Rangers._

_He was going back_.

"Fuck," he ground out, dropping his head to his hands and resting his elbows on his knees, "Fuck."

His cell phone rang, vibrating against the kitchen counter.

Sighing heavily, Jay pushed himself to his feet and strode to grab the phone before it could click over to voicemail.

"Halstead," he answered without looking at the called ID.

"I hope to God you haven't gotten drunk yet," Lindsay's raspy voice filled his ears, "We picked up a body. I'm two minutes from you."

_Lindsay. He was going to have to leave her_.

"Not drunk," Jay responded, "I'll be ready when you get here."

Lindsay said something in response, but Halstead's mind was already a million miles away.

He shoved his phone into his pocket and clipped his badge and gun back on. He probably smelled a little like the whiskey he had drunk, but three shots was no where near enough to put him off his game.

Nevertheless, he went into his bedroom and swiped on some more deodorant and swished some Listerine in his mouth. That was going to have to do for now.

There was a thumping on his door a few seconds later, accompanied by Lindsay's shouting, "Halstead, get a move on! Voight's already there."

Jay opened his door mid-knock, Lindsay's momentum causing her to almost fall over.

Jay caught her arm, grinning, the letter from the Army already forgotten, "Jesus, Lindsay, sure you're not the drunk one?"

Lindsay narrowed her eyes and smirked at him, "Warn a girl before you open the door on her."

"I'll keep you waiting next time, then," Jay grinned, nudging Lindsay out the door and pulling it shut behind him.

"Don't you dare," Lindsay laughed, poking his arm, "You know how much I hate waiting."

_Didn't stop you from waiting for Severide at Molly's two days ago_, Jay thought, but didn't say.

Instead he shrugged, "You could learn a little patience, wouldn't kill ya."

Lindsay grinned at him and climbed into the front seat of her car, "We'll never know, because I'm never going to be patient."

Her words triggered something in Jay's brain.

_Patience. He was going to have to learn Army patience all over again. _

"Yeah," he said, his voice sounding funny, "You'll never be patient. Voight basically raised you and that man's got zero patience."

Lindsay looked at him out of the corner of her eye, "Halstead, you okay?"

Jay nodded, "Yeah, just fine. Why?"

She shook her head, "No…nothing. Never mind."

They were both quiet as Lindsay pulled up to the crime scene and maneuvered her car into a spot next to Voight's.

Jay got out of the car, watching Lindsay out of the corner of his eye.

He wondered if she'd be patient waiting for him to finish his tour.

Falling into step behind her, Halstead shook his head. He shouldn't – wasn't fucking allowed to, thanks to Voight – think like that. Besides she was happy with Severide and the fireman was a decent enough guy.

"Hey," Lindsay's hand brushed against his side, gaining his attention, "You seem distracted."

"I'm fine," Jay said, eyes on Voight. The older man was watching them intently, waiting for Jay to make the wrong move towards Lindsay.

Lindsay scoffed and raised an eyebrow, "Yeah, okay. I'm here when you want to talk though."

She squeezed his arm and headed off towards Voight.

She might be here, but would he? Jay wondered.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Okiedoke, my darlings. Here it is, by first ever foray into the world of Linstead. These two idiots have captured my heart since episode 1 of CPD, and I finally decided that it was time to write them. **

**Like I said, this is my first time writing them, so I really, really need and want your feedback on my characterization. I'm aware that the whole "Halstead gets called back to the Army" plot has been done before. But I have a different plan for this story, and I really hope you guys like it. I'm also aware that it's short, but I wanted to get this out there to see what I'll need to fix for future chapters. **

**Just two days until more Linstead =)**


	2. Chapter 2

Halstead was distracted for the rest of the night and barely made a comment when Lindsay dropped him back at his apartment early the morning.

"Meet me for breakfast?" Lindsay asked as Halstead climbed out of the passenger seat. Maybe plying him with bacon and pancakes would get him talking.

Halstead looked back at Lindsay quickly and nodded, "Sounds good to me."

He wanted to get in as much time with her as possible before he left.

Lindsay smiled tiredly, "Good. It'll be my treat."

When Halstead didn't comment, Lindsay knew something was wrong. He just gave her a two finger wave and went up to his apartment.

Lindsay frowned as she watched Halstead's retreating back. Come hell or high water she was going to find out what was bothering him.

* * *

><p>Jay stooped to pick up the discarded Army letter after he closed and locked the door behind him.<p>

He scanned the words again.

October 20th.

Just under a month.

How the fuck was he going to tell Voight?

He crumpled the letter in his fist and dropped it onto the hall table.

Voight had told them all to be back at the precinct by 9:30, so they could get a few hours of sleep.

Jay stripped to his boxers and climbed into bed. He stared at the ceiling, trying to block out the images from his last tour.

He hadn't had nightmares in months, despite some of the horrible things they saw on the job.

But just the thought of going back...there...sent his imagination into overdrive. Every horrible thing that he saw in Afghanistan was not brought to the front of his mind.

The tapping of the tree outside against his window was as loud as gunshots.

The shadows being thrown across the room by passing cars were hidden insurgents.

He shuddered in bed when a car backfired. It could have been an IED explosion.

Jay flipped on his TV. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

><p>Jay finally got out of bed at 8 to shower. He figured that he'd gotten maybe three hours of sleep.<p>

He yawned as he scrubbed shampoo into his short hair. There was definitely going to be a large cup of coffee in his future.

He sighed, leaning his head against the cool shower tile, the hot water streaming down his back.

Going back was going to be difficult. He didn't want to leave his life in Chicago. He loved his job and his friends.

And Erin...a voice in the back of his mind whispered.

"Stop," he told himself out loud, "Voight made the rule. Follow it."

He rinsed off the last of the soap and stepped out of the shower.

He was wrapping a towel around his waist while he walked into his bedroom.

"I was wondering when you'd be done."

"Shit!" Halstead grabbed at his chest and glared, "Lindsay! You can't just break into a guy's place. No matter how bad you want to sleep with him."

Lindsay smirked, "In your dreams, buddy. And I didn't break it. You keep a key in the plant outside."

Jay grimaced, "Turn around or cover your eyes or something. I want to get dressed."

Lindsay grinned wolfishly, "Nothing I haven't seen before."

"Yeah, you haven't seen it on me though," Halstead grumbled, "Cover your eyes."

Lindsay laughed and put her hands over her eyes, "Get dressed fast. I want breakfast."

"No looking," Halstead said, grabbing a pair of briefs and a t-shirt.

Lindsay laughed, "Come on, Halstead. I'm not looking."

He scoffed and moved into the bathroom. Once he was covered, he went back into the bedroom, "So, why are you here?"

Lindsay flopped back against the messy sheets, "Breakfast. Remember?"

Halstead pulled on a pair of Levi's, "Yeah, I remember. I also remember telling you I'd meet you."

Lindsay was quiet, admiring the way Halstead's muscles moved as he pulled a long sleeved shirt over his head.

"I... Something's up with you, Halstead, and I want to know what it is," she finally said, as Halstead pulled on a pair of sneakers.

Jay looked up at her, "Hey, nothing's up. I promise."

Lindsay chewed on the inside of her cheek. She didn't buy it. But maybe, just maybe, she shouldn't push this one.

"Okay," she pushed off from the bed, "I'll wait inside, but make sure you brush your teeth. You stink."

"Thanks!" Halstead called as she made her way into the living room.

He shook his head, a small smile on his face as he went about the rest of his morning routine.

* * *

><p>Lindsay peeked back through the doorway. The bathroom door was closed, so Halstead would be distracted for a little bit.<p>

Perfect time to snoop, she grinned.

If Halstead wasn't going to talk to her, she was going to find out in a different way.

She quickly, but methodically worked her way through his living room.

"Where are you hiding your secret, Halstead?" She murmured to herself. Lindsay stood, hands on her hips, in the middle of the living room, looking for something that was out of place.

There was a pile of old newspapers on the coffee table, dirty dishes and mugs resting on the kitchen counters, and –aha!- a crumpled up piece of paper on the hall table.

Quickly looking to make sure Halstead was still occupied, Lindsay grabbed the paper and smoothed it out against the wall.

As she read it, her eyes widened and her mouth fell open.

"Oh," she mumbled.

"What are you looking at? And it better not be my credit card bill," Halstead said, clipping his badge and gun to his belt as he walked out of his bedroom.

Lindsay turned to him, big hazel eyes full of sadness, the crumpled letter shaking in her hand.

Halstead groaned, "Fuck, please tell me that's not what I think it is?"

"Were you going to tell me? Were you going to tell any of us, or were you just going to be gone come October 20th?" Lindsay asked, trying to keep her voice calm and emotionless.

Jay stepped forward and moved to take the letter from Lindsay's hand, but she snatched it away.

"Answer me, Halstead," she snapped.

Jay groaned, "Of course I was going to tell you. I just got the fucking letter yesterday. I didn't even process it myself."

Lindsay looked down, "Sorry… I just…you have to go don't you?"

Halstead nodded, "Yeah. I don't want to though."

Hazel eyes met blue ones, "How long will you be gone?"

Halstead shrugged, 'Probably long enough for you to break in a new partner."

"I'm still breaking you in," Lindsay laughed, "I can't deal with someone brand new."

Halstead rolled his eyes, "You know I'm the best partner in the world. Now I thought you were treating me to breakfast?"

"That was only so I could find out what was bothering you," Lindsay smiled, "Now that I know, I don't have to treat you to anything."

"Wow," Halstead laughed, hip checking Lindsay on his way to the door, "That's a really nice way to treat a Ranger."

"I can't just start treating you differently now," Lindsay trailed a step behind Halstead, "What would that do to my reputation?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Here we are, my loves. Chapter 2. I was blown away by the amazing response to chapter 1, like really. your reviews just made me so stinking happy. **

**This chapter actually came to me really quickly. I had fun writing it. **

**So now Erin knows about the Rangers, but no one else does. I'm trying to decide if I want to show Jay telling everyone else, or if I want to skip time a little bit. Let me know if you have any preferences in your review =)**

**Um, that's pretty much it. I hope you like it and CPD IS TOMORROW! MORE LINSTEAD AND BURZEK AHHHH**


	3. Chapter 3

"So you know you have to tell Voight and the guys, right?" Lindsay said, forking a piece of pancake and waving it in the air.

Halstead sighed, "Yeah, Lindsay, I know. I've still got some time before I leave."

She shrugged and chewed on her pancake, "Yeah, but Voight won't be happy if you wait until the week before to tell him."

Halstead avoided answering by taking a sip of his coffee.

Lindsay kicked his shin under the table.

"Ow!" He jumped, spilling coffee on his hand, "What was that for?"

Halstead wiped up the spilled coffee and licked the drops from his hand.

Lindsay's lip curled, "That's gross, number one. Number two, you can't avoid telling Voight and the rest of them. You need time to adjust, but so do we."

Halstead smiled wryly, "You gonna miss me, Detective Lindsay?"

Lindsay laughed into her mug of coffee, "What do you think?"

"I think you're gonna miss me," Halstead smiled, forking some eggs.

"I'm not confirming anything," Lindsay rasped, "But I still think you should tell everyone sooner rather than later."

"I will," Halstead promised, pulling out his wallet, "Finish up. We better get going."

"I thought I was supposed to treat?" Lindsay asked, leaning back in her seat.

Halstead shrugged, dropping a few bills on the table, "You can throw my going away party."

"Not fair," Lindsay protested as they got up from the table, "There'll be booze there and that's expensive."

Halstead grinned as he held open the door, "I want the good stuff too. It'll show me just how much you'll miss me."

Lindsay's hand brushed his side as she walked past, a habit that she'd developed to make sure he was near her during raids.

"Oh so if we're basing the quality of the booze on how much I'll miss you you're getting purple wine in a box," she laughed, walking to her car.

"Joke's on you, Lindsay," Halstead laughed, "Purple wine in a box is my favorite."

Lindsay laughed as she got into her car, pulling away a few seconds later.

Halstead climbed into his car and followed her to the precinct, a smile on his face the whole way. Lindsay had the unique ability of getting him to forget about his current predicament.

* * *

><p>"What do we know about this guy?" Voight tapped the mug shot taped to the white board.<p>

"Rap sheet a mile long," Ruzek offered, "Started when he was 14, shoplifting, underage drinking."

"Escalated to rape and assault by the time he was 20," Atwater finished.

"This piece of shit's only 23?" Al asked, flipping through the file sitting on his desk.

"Yeah," Voight said, "And I want him off the streets. He's involved with the gangs and we don't need another murder for no reason."

"Well where is he?" Lindsay asked, tossing her grenade paperweight from hand to hand.

"He have any family?" Voight growled.

"Brother and father are both dead," Antonio said, reading from his computer, "Mom is in the area."

"Al, Ruzek," Voight pointed at the partners, "Go, find out what you can."

Olinsky and Ruzek pushed away from their desks and traipsed down the stairs.

"The rest of you," Voight said, "Find out as much as you can on Hayes."

He turned and stormed into his office, slamming the door shut behind him.

Antonio raised his eyebrow, "He's taking this one seriously."

Lindsay nodded, "We need this guy off the streets."

The squad room was quiet save for the sound of frantic typing.

Lindsay looked around quickly and rolled her chair over so she was closer to Halstead.

"Go tell him," she whispered.

Halstead looked at her, "Are you crazy? He's pissed off at the case right now. I'm not bothering him with my stuff."

Antonio and Atwater watched curiously as the partners bickered silently.

"He'd want to know," Lindsay whispered back, "Seriously, go tell him."

"No," Halstead whispered angrily, "Give me time to process. I'll tell him by the end of the week."

Antonio smiled to himself when both Halstead and Lindsay pushed away from their desks and went into Voight's office, Halstead dragging his feet a little.

"Hey, Atwater," Antonio called, "Looks like our girl won that fight."

Atwater grinned, "I'll add it to the tally."

He pulled open his desk drawer and took out a pad of paper. Antonio watched as he added a tally mark under the "Lindsay" column.

* * *

><p>Lindsay practically shoved Halstead through Voight's office door and stood next to him.<p>

Voight looked up, "The only reason you two should be in here right now is to tell me that you found Hayes."

Halstead shook his head, "Yeah, we didn't find him. Not yet anyway."

"Then why are you in here?" Voight leaned back in his chair and then immediately leaned forward, "You two'd better not be hooking up. I warned you about that."

"Yeah, we know," Halstead grimaced.

Lindsay glanced quickly at Halstead, but didn't say anything. Instead she nudged his leg with her foot and tilted her head towards Voight.

Voight frowned, "What the hell's going on here?"

Halstead coughed, "I… got called back from the reserves. I'm supposed to be in Virginia on October 20th."

Voight slowly leaned back in his chair, "Well, shit, Halstead."

"Gee, thanks," Halstead said wryly, "That was definitely the reaction I was looking for."

Voight narrowed his eyes, "What the hell do you want me to say, Halstead?"

Jay shrugged, "Am I still gonna have a job if I come back?"

"When," Lindsay jumped in immediately, "When you come back."

Halstead glanced at her, a smile playing on the edges of his lips.

Voight noticed Halstead's reaction, but didn't say anything.

"Of course you'll have a job, Halstead. I don't make habits of getting rid of good detectives."

Halstead nodded, "Thanks, boss."

"You gonna work up until you leave, or you want the week before off?" Voight asked.

"Haven't thought about it," Halstead shrugged, "Can I get back to you?"

Voight nodded, "Yeah, you can. Now both of you, get back to work."

Lindsay and Halstead nodded and headed back to their desks.

"I'm glad you told him," Lindsay whispered before they sat down.

"I guess I am too," Halstead whispered back.

"Hey!" Antonio called, "What was that about?" He jerked his thumb in the direction of Voight's office.

Lindsay looked at Halstead and widened her eyes, asking the silent question, '_Do you want to tell them now?_'

Halstead shook his head slightly, and said, "Nothing. Just, uh, something Voight needed to know."

Atwater raised an eyebrow, "Are you two…you know?" He whistled.

Simultaneously, Halstead and Lindsay made exclamations of denial.

"No! Are you kidding me? Voight threatened my balls if I slept with her. I like my balls right where they are."

"Seriously? I have a boyfriend!"

Atwater held up his hands in surrender, "Alright, alright, sorry."

Antonio snorted, "You gotta learn, Atwater."

* * *

><p>"A toast!" Lindsay grinned, "To Ruzek for that <em>spectacular<em> take down of Hayes."

The team all lifted their shots into the air and chimed, "To Ruzek!" before downing the alcohol and slamming the shot glasses back on the table.

Ruzek grinned, "It was nothing."

Atwater laughed, "Yeah sure, 'cause tackling the guy after sliding down an awning after climbing out the second floor widow is nothing."

Burgess grinned, but there was mild fear in her eyes, "That's what you did to take him down?"

Ruzek scratched the back of his neck, "Yeah. I kind of did it and then thought about it later."

"Idiot," Burgess said, shaking her head, one hand sliding under the table to squeeze Ruzek's thigh.

Lindsay squeezed out of the booth and grabbed Halstead's arm, "Let's go grab the next round."

Halstead heaved a pretend sigh and followed her to the bar, "You know, you've become much bossier since you found out about my leaving."

"Pft," Lindsay scoffed, "Not a chance. Besides, I wasn't bossy to begin with."

She held up six fingers to let the bartender know how many drinks she wanted.

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that," Halstead muttered under his breath.

"Are you going to tell everyone?" Lindsay asked, passing three mugs of beer to Halstead and taking the remaining three.

Halstead heaved a real sigh, "Why the hell are you so intent on me telling everyone? I literally found out three days ago."

Lindsay lifted one shoulder, "I don't know. We're a family. Shouldn't we all know?"

She had a point.

Halstead nodded, "Okay, I'll tell them now. Unless, of course, you want to do the honors?"

"It's your news, Halstead," she smirked, "Wouldn't want to step on your toes."

"You were plenty happy to step on my toes at the undercover gala last month," Halstead called to her retreating back.

Lindsay tossed a smile over her shoulder at him.

* * *

><p>Halstead waited for everyone to be halfway through their beers before he cleared his throat.<p>

"Uh, since we're all here," he started, "I have an announcement."

The rest of the team stopped talking and looked at Halstead. Lindsay reached over and touched his side, reminding him that she was there.

"Uh, a couple of days ago, I got…" Halsted paused, "I'm going back to the Rangers."

"What?" Antonio said, beer stein halfway to his lips.

"I got called back from reserve duty," Halstead explained taking a sip of beer.

"When do you leave?" Burgess asked, a frown on her usually happy face.

"The 20th," Lindsay interjected.

"Oh, so you knew about this?" Antonio said, laughing.

Halstead snorted, "Only because she snooped in my place when she came to get me for the crime scene."

He purposely left out the fact that it was the next morning at breakfast, thinking they might get the wrong idea.

"Shit, man," Ruzek ruffled his hair, "We're going to throw you a hell of a going away party."

"Lindsay's got the booze covered," Halstead laughed, bumping her shoulder with his.

"Ass," she shot back, smiling.

Antonio stood up from his seat, "I'm proposing another toast," he held his half finished beer in the air, "To Halstead. Come back in one piece, because man, we can't go through Lindsay breaking in a new partner again."

Antonio's toast spurred laughter all around and an indignant, "Hey! I'm not that bad," from Lindsay.

"To Halstead," they all chimed once the laughter had died down.

"Thanks, guys," Halstead said quietly.

Damn, was he going to miss them.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Whoo! I'm so proud of myself for getting this finished in time for tonight. I am having a BLAST writing this. So now, everyone knows that Jay is heading back to the army. Next chapter he's probably going to be leaving. I haven't thought about how many chapters this is going to be, but I would say more than 5, maybe 10. **

**Again, I was totally blown away by the reviews for the first 2 chapters. I really appreciate them. I would love it if you guys could drop a review on this chapter. It would totally mean the world to me. **

**And, just 3 hours until CPD! Thank God because I need some Linstead in my life. My inbox on tumblr (thewintersoldierdisaster) is always open for chats. In fact, I relish them. So come talk to me =)**


	4. Chapter 4

Halstead stared at the ceiling when he woke up on the 18th.

His plane was leaving for Virginia at 8pm. He was really leaving.

His teeth chattered involuntarily. Oh god, he was terrified.

He stayed in bed for another hour, wallowing. The only reason he got up was because of the pounding on his front door.

The pounding was accompanied by shouting, "HALSTEAD! I know you're in there. Open up."

Jay reluctantly swung his legs out of bed and shouted back, "I'm coming. Keep your pants on."

He padded, barefoot and shirtless, to the door and pulled it open to reveal Erin Lindsay grinning.

"Are you sure you want me to keep my pants on?" She laughed, "We could even the playing field."

She gave him a pointed once over, lingering a little too long on his bare chest.

Jay narrowed his eyes, "Ha ha. I'm not a piece of meat, Detective."

"Shut up," Lindsay laughed, punching his shoulder and pushing her way into his apartment, "So what are we doing today?"

"We?" Halstead raised his eyebrow, "I'm going to finish packing and try and forget that I'm going back to war. You should be going to work."

Lindsay shook her head, "Nope. I made Voight give me the day off. I wasn't going to let you stew in your man pain all day."

"Nice of you," he said, "Coffee?"

She nodded and followed Jay into the kitchen, "I know you had your going away party last weekend, but I kind of wanted your last day to be with me."

Jay smiled sincerely, "Thanks, Lindsay. It means a lot."

"I know," she winked, "My presence just makes everything better."

"Yeah," Jay laughed, plugging in his coffee pot, "I'm gonna go get dressed, be out in a minute."

"No you won't," she called to his retreating back, "I've seen how long it takes you to fix your hair."

She heard him let out a burst of laughter before the bedroom door closed.

* * *

><p>"Yes! Lindsay 6, Halstead 4!" Lindsay shouted, throwing her hands up in the air.<p>

Halstead grouched, "Cheater."

Lindsay danced around him, "Sore loser! When will you admit that I'm the paintball champion?"

Jay laughed and hooked his paintball gun on its peg, "Never. You're a cheater."

"You're just jealous that I'm better than you," Lindsay laughed, hanging her borrowed gun next to his.

"You wish," Jay nudged her hip with his as they walked back to her car.

Lindsay reached over and rubbed at a splatter of paint on Halstead's forehead.

He went still and held his breath, her hand warm against his skin.

"What was that for?" he asked when she pulled her hand away.

"Paint," she rasped, "And I can't have you looking like a mess when we go for lunch. We're going to a very high class establishment."

"Nick's Pizza?" Halstead asked, climbing into the passenger seat.

Lindsay laughed, "Yeah."

"Wow, that's like on the same level as The Plaza," Jay teased.

"Shut up," Lindsay reached over and without taking her eyes off the road, punched his arm, "I'm supplying you with memories of Chicago that have to last months."

* * *

><p>"Okay," Hay leaned back in his chair and wiped pizza grease from his fingers, "What's next?"<p>

Lindsay chewed her final bit of crust, "What makes you think there's a next?"

Halstead shrugged, "I know you. There's a next."

"Okay, there's a next," Lindsay dropped money on the table, "But it's not like anything crazy special. You do have a flight to catch in six hours. And since you're you, you haven't packed."

Jay shrugged, she was right. He hadn't packed and to be honest, he wasn't overly concerned. He wasn't able to bring that much with him, so what was the point.

"Come on, mopey," Lindsay grabbed his hand, "We have places to be."

"What kind of places?" Jay asked as he was being led to the car.

"You'll see," Lindsay said enigmatically.

"Should I be worried?" Halstead teased as Lindsay drove.

"Nah," she laughed, "I wouldn't send you into battle already hurt."

Jay huffed a laugh, it wasn't that funny, thinking about himself at war again, but he could see the way Erin was trying to be calm and nonchalant about his leaving.

They discussed the case that the rest of the team was working on, Lindsay making a few mental notes to tell Voight about the ideas that they had come up with when she went back to work after Halstead left.

"We're here!" Lindsay announced, throwing her car into park.

Halstead looked out the window, all he could see was a crowd of people.

"And here is?" He asked, closing the car door behind him.

"The Bean!" Lindsay exclaimed spreading her arms in the air, "Tah-dah!"

"The Bean?" Jay laughed, "Seriously?"

"Yes!" Lindsay said, planting her hands on her hips, "The Bean is a Chicago tourist spot and you need to remember it."

"I don't think I'd forget it," Halstead laughed.

"Oh, humor me," Lindsay laughed, grabbing his hand and dragging him through the crowds so they could get closer.

Jay tried to ignore the sparks that shot up his arm when Lindsay took hold of his hand. It was hard to ignore his feelings for her, especially after spending the whole morning with her one-on-one. All he wanted was to kiss her.

"Okay, I'll humor you," he smiled at her back, happily letting her take the lead.

As soon as they were close enough to the shiny metal sculpture, Lindsay pulled out her phone and grinned, "Smile!"

She snapped a picture of Jay before he could process her command.

Lindsay looked at the picture and laughed, "Oh my god, you look like a stoned deer in the headlights!"

"I didn't have any warning!" Halstead protested, laughing and grabbing for her phone, "Take a new one!"

"Sir, yes sir," Lindsay laughed, pressing her face close to Halstead's and taking a picture of their reflection in the shiny bean.

"Much better," Jay pronounced when Lindsay showed him the picture.

"Good," Lindsay said, tapping away at the picture. Jay's phone buzzed a few seconds later.

"Now you can keep me with you," she said, her voice faltering a little.

Jay reached out to touch her arm, "Hey, you okay?"

Erin nodded and plastered a grin on her face, "Yeah, sure just fine. Let's go get you packed."

She worked her way through the crowd again, leaving Jay to follow her. He wished she would just stop and let him in. She'd been close to letting that wall of hers down, only for it to go right back up.

* * *

><p>"Are you sure you have everything?" Lindsay asked again, looking at the two duffel bags Halstead was holding.<p>

He laughed, "Yes, mom. I have everything."

She punched his shoulder, "I'm just looking out for you."

"I know," he said, grateful, "And I'm glad you're here."

Lindsay nodded, not trusting her voice at the moment.

Halstead dropped his bags to the floor and rubbed the back of his neck, "Erin, just be careful okay? I'm not there to watch your back and ..."

He trailed off. There were no words for what he wanted to say.

Luckily, Lindsay always seemed to know what was on his mind anyway.

"I know," she said, "Same goes for you. Those army Rangers don't know how to watch your back like I do."

Jay choked out a laugh, "Yeah. I'll be careful."

Lindsay nodded, casting her eyes downward.

They stood together, quietly enjoying the other's company, for as long as possible.

"Flight 511 to Virginia is now boarding. Please proceed to Gate 7," the voice on the speaker was pleasant, but to Jay it sounded like nails on a chalkboard.

"I guess I have to go," the words sounded more like a question the way they came out of Jay's mouth.

Lindsay nodded, "I guess you do."

She shifted from foot to foot before throwing her body at Jay's and hugging him tightly.

Halstead stood in shock for a second and then wrapped his arms around Lindsay's back and squeezed her tightly.

"I'm going to miss you," she mumbled.

"I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me, Erin Lindsay," Jay teased, trying to lighten the mood.

Lindsay snorted a laugh and pinched his shoulder, her arms still tight around his neck.

There was a second announcement for the boarding of Jay's flight. He reluctantly broke the hug and picked up his bags.

"I have to go."

"I know," Erin said, smiling sadly, "Come back in one piece, okay?"

Jay nodded, "You got it."

He turned and walked to the gate, stopping to look back at Erin before he walked through the door.

She waved and smiled. But the second his back was to her, she reached up and wiped a tear away.

* * *

><p>Jay's plane had left an hour ago, but Erin was still sitting in the airport, staring at the tarmac where his plane used to be.<p>

She watched planes come and go. She watched tearful hellos and goodbyes.

She felt like there was a piece of her missing.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So, how amazing was Wednesday's episode? The last 2 minutes! AHHH! Come and chat about it with me =)**

**On to the story, I loved this chapter. Lots and lots of Linstead. And now, Jay is on his way to war. We see some of Erin's feelings, which we're going to get into a little more in the coming chapters. The next chapters are going to skip ahead a little bit in time. **

**Also, I'm working on another oneshot Linstad story, and I'm naming linstead babies…any thoughts on that? =)**

**Drop me a review…they literally mean everything to me =)**


	5. Chapter 5

_Hey Halstead, _

_I can't believe it's been a month sine you left. It feels weird not having you here. Voight hasn't replaced you yet. So I've been partnering with Atwater for now. The first week, Voight took me. Just so…I don't know. So he could keep an eye on me. We all miss you. Diego and Eva visited Antonio last week. Diego spun around in your chair, asking where 'Uncle Jay' was. We told him you were away on business. _

_Voight's going to announce your replacement today or tomorrow. (temporary, of course. Your chair is still waiting for when you come home.) I'll wait to send this letter out so I can update it. I have to go. Duty calls. _

_Sorry, it's Friday now. Oops, I meant to mail this out by today, but it looks like it's waiting for tomorrow. Voight promoted Burgess to your spot temporarily. You should have seen the fantastic shade of red Ruzek turned. I love how those two think they're keeping their relationship a secret. Kim's great, but she's not you. _

_Please come home in one piece._

_Lindsay. _

* * *

><p>Erin jumped out of her car quickly and dropped the envelope into the mailbox.<p>

"Shit, it's freezing," she muttered, rubbing her hands together as she got back into the car.

"High of 15 degrees today," Kim said mournfully, "I miss summer."

Erin quirked her lips up into a smile, "And seeing Ruzek in a Speedo?"

Kim burst out laughing, "Oh my god, no! I'd have to break up with him if he ever put a Speedo on."

"Good," Erin laughed, "Because those things look good on no one."

"When do you think that'll get to him?" Kim said, nodding her head towards the mailbox as Erin pulled away from the curb.

Erin frowned, "I don't know. It could really be days or weeks or months."

"You really miss him," Kim said, and it wasn't a question.

Erin Lindsay was not in the habit of talking about her feelings out loud, so she shrugged.

"You don't mind me driving, and Halstead did. As far as I'm concerned, that's an upgrade," she tried to smile, but it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"He'll be fine," Kim said, "I just know it."

Her never ending enthusiasm was probably good for Erin right now.

* * *

><p>"Un-fucking-believable," Erin growled as she looked at her watch for the tenth time in as many minutes.<p>

"Severide still hasn't gotten here?' Gabby Dawson asked from behind the bar.

Erin plastered on a fake smile, "I'm sure he just hit some traffic."

Gabby nodded, "Yeah…traffic. You want another?" she pointed to Erin's empty pint glass.

Erin looked at the glass and then at her watch, "Yeah, please. Thanks, Gabby."

This was getting to be too much. Every time they made plans, Kelly was late. Erin knew he was still reeling from Shay's death, but there was only so much a girl could take.

From her unreliable boyfriend, to her mother's sudden reappearance, to her partner being at war, to the very distracting feeling brewing inside of her, Erin Lindsay was reaching her emotional limit.

She ignored texts from Voight and Antonio while she waited for Kelly. She wished Jay were here, keeping her company.

Kelly finally showed up, a solid two hours after they were supposed to meet.

"Hey, babe," he grinned at her, kissing her sloppily on the cheek, "You ready for dinner?"

"Dinner?" Erin said acerbically, "Our reservations are lost now."

Kelly frowned, "Where'd they go?"

Erin arched an eyebrow, "You're two hours late. It's almost 10 o'clock."

Kelly shook his head, "Nope. 'M not late. I got here right on time."

Gabby looked up from the glasses she was cleaning; Severide had been getting steadily louder in volume as he talked.

Lindsay huffed an angry breath, "You're drunk and I'm not doing this."

Kelly's eyebrows knit together, "Doing what? And 'm not drunk. Just had a beer."

"Or five," Lindsay muttered under her breath, and then louder, "I'm not having a discussion with you now. I know you're hurting, trust me I know. But this is not the right way to go about things. Find me when you're sober."

She dropped a few bills on the counter, grabbed her phone and keys and stalked out of the bar, away from Kelly, away from the sad look Gabby was giving her.

It was all too much at once.

* * *

><p>Erin wasn't sure how she ended up at Voight's, but she really shouldn't have been surprised. When things got hard in her life, Hank was there. She could always talk her problems out and get the blunt advice she needed.<p>

"Hey, kid," Hank greeted her after he opened the door, "Come on in."

"Sorry it's so late," she apologized, hanging her jacket on the hook in the front hall.

Hank laughed, "Late? Kid, it's barely after 10. We've stayed at the precinct later than this."

Erin chewed on her lip, "I guess I'm just kind of messed up from everything that's been happening."

Hank narrowed his eyes, "What is it? Your ma? That firefighter? Burgess?"

Erin braked a laugh, "Yes to all of the above." She paused and then corrected herself, "Not Burgess. She's great. And it's about time she was put in Intelligence. It's just…."

"You're sued to Halstead," Voight finished.

Erin nodded, "I love Kim, she's great. But breaking in a new partner…."

"It's tough. You don't think I've had to do it a few times? Burgess has only been with you three days. Give that some time," Voight stood up from the couch to pour some whiskey.

"Time I can do," Erin said, accepting the tumbler he handed her.

"Talk to me, kid. Can't solve problems if I don't know what they are."

Erin knocked back the alcohol, "That's the problem. I don't know what they are. Everything is just not right and it's pissing me off."

Voight shrugged, "So get rid of everything that's not right and start from there."

"You know that's not exactly helpful, right?" Erin rolled her eyes.

"You know you didn't give me much to work with, right?" Voight matched her tone and took the glass, "Get some sleep. I'm not letting you drive."

"I just had that little bit of whiskey," Erin protested, her eyes already feeling heavy.

Voight snorted, "Kid, I could smell Molly's on you form a mile away. I don't know what you had over there and I'm not happy you drove. So kick back and relax. You ain't going anywhere."

Erin kicked off her boots with minor protesting and tucked her body into a ball. She was asleep before Voight could shut the lights.

* * *

><p>Erin didn't see Kelly for another week. He was constantly on call and Intelligence was working overtime to bust a child pornography ring.<p>

On Sunday night he picked her up from her apartment, a bouquet of flowers in his hand.

"I'm sorry," he said, looking her directly in the eyes.

"Thank you," Erin took the flowers and put them in a vase before shutting her door and following Kelly to his car.

He drove.

She fidgeted.

He was going to hate her after tonight.

"So how's work?" Kelly asked, as they settled into their table.

"Good," Erin answered, "We broke up a child pornography ring today."

She didn't elaborate.

"Erin?" Kelly asked, reaching for her hand from across the table, "Is something wrong?"

"Yeah, actually, there is," she smiled sadly, "It's us. This," she gestured between them, "I can't keep doing this."

"Doing what? What are you talking about?" Kelly frowned, clearly getting angry.

"When was the last time we saw each other?" Erin asked.

Kelly thought for a minute, "Two weeks ago. But we've both been busy. You knew that going into this relationship."

Erin shook her head, "We saw each other a week ago at Molly's. We had a date planned. You showed up two hours late and drunk out of your mind."

Severide's face drained of color, "Erin….I'm…"

Erin held up her hand, "Don't apologize. It doesn't change anything. I know you've been having a rough time after Shay. But it's been two and a half months. You can't keep acting like this."

Severide sighed, "Erin, you don't understand…"

"Oh? I don't understand?" Erin laughed harshly, "Jules died just over a year ago. I still think about her every damn day. Jay is who knows where in the fucking Middle East. I don't know if he's going to come back alive or in a body bag, and I shouldn't have to worry about that kind of thing."

She smirked angrily, "But you're right. I don't know what it's like to lose a friend."

"She was my _best friend_," he snarled, "And she shouldn't have died."

"Neither should Jules. Neither should any of the other cops or firefighters we've lost. Jay shouldn't have to be back with the Rangers," Erin leaned forward, "But _life's not fair, _and you can't drink yourself _silly_ every night to forget."

"This isn't about me," Severide said, "It's you."

Erin looked shocked for a minute and then laughed, "Oh, that's a new one. Putting the blame on me. Kelly, I want you to get better. I want you to be happy. But I'm not the type of girl to sit around and wait for you to get your act together. I have my own life to sort out."

Severide drained the wine in his glass and stood up, "Good, fine. Get your life in order. I guess we're done."

"Kelly!" she called as he walked away.

"Forget it, Erin," he turned to face her, "You're not really worried about me anyway. You said it yourself. You're too worried about Halstead to worry about me."

Erin stood up, her face contorted into anger now, "That is _not _what I said and you know it!"

Kelly seemed to deflate in front of her eyes, "I know. I'm sorry, Erin. I really am. Maybe you're right."

"About what?" she said, ignoring the looks the other patrons were giving them and quickly stepping forward to push Kelly into the front lobby.

"I'm not coping well. Casey and Gabby said it too," he scrubbed a hand over his face, "I need to work on some stuff."

Erin nodded, "I'll still be here for you as a friend, if you need me."

He nodded, "Thanks. Uh, I'm sorry about last week. And right now."

She laughed, "It's fine. I never really wanted to come back here anyway."

* * *

><p>Erin dropped Kelly at Matt and Gabby's place before driving to her own apartment.<p>

The place was dark and cold when she got there.

Flipping on lights and turning up her heater, Erin kicked off her heels as she moved through the rooms.

She needed a stiff drink and a good night's sleep. Although with work tomorrow maybe she'd skip the drink.

There was a blinking light coming from her computer and Erin tied her hair away from her face so she could inspect it.

_**MISSED VIDEO CHAT**_

The letters blinked red at her.

Her stomach dropped when she looked at the return number.

_**BLOCKED**_

It was Jay. She knew it.

She missed him.

In more ways than one.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hello my little Linstead loves (lol, sorry I'm a dork) I bring a new chapter for you guys before the next episode airs tomorrow. This one's all about Lindsay. Next one will be all Jay, all the time. **

**I took mild creative license with Severide seeing as I haven't watched CF in many, many moons (aka since like possibly December of last year) and I also didn't watch the Linseride break up scene from last week. But who cares? This is an AU and I do what I want. However, please do let me know what you thought about this chapter. I really hope I captured Lindsay's turmoil. **

**Catch ya later, darlings. =)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey Erin, **

**Sorry it's taken me so long to respond. We're kind of all over the place out here. Merry Belated Christmas, by the way. I owe you a present when I get home. Did Ruzek get drunk off his ass on eggnog again? Did any one get caught under the mistletoe?**

**I wish I could tell you where I am, but uh, I'd definitely get killed for that. Good news is that the mission out here is going better than expected. I might be home sooner than I thought. Maybe by June, so another two months out here. I can live with that. **

**How's Severide? I've been trying to video call when I get the chance, but I guess you've been busy. I'm glad you're partnered with Burgess. She's a good cop. She's got your back, right?**

**I gotta go. Heading out. Don't know when I'll be able to write again. **

**Jay**

* * *

><p>Jay sealed the envelope, hastily scribbled Erin's address on the front and shoved it into the mail bag on his way out of the tent.<p>

"Gather up," he shouted, shouldering his rifle.

His men formed a semi circle around him, all looking worse for the wear. It had been a long six months. Jay's unit had been bounced all over the Middle East. Now they were based in Syria for the time being.

"I know you guys are tired, " he said, still not used to leading men, after so much time of being order around by Voight, "But if we get this done, there's a good chance that we go home soon."

That got a cheer from the Rangers.

"We have intel on a smaller band of ISIS members near the town," Jay continued, relaying what his superiors had told him, "Our job is to take them out. Think you can handle that?"

Jay's immediate subordinate, Ed Chandler grinned, "Who the fuck do you think you're talking to, Halstead? The Navy? Army Rangers, especially the 3rd battalion, can handle any fucking terrorists they throw our way."

Jay snorted, "Chandler, I know you can handle it. It's these other sorry asses I'm worried about."

The rest of Jay's unit grumbled at the good natured teasing and slowly broke away to gather their gear.

"You get through the your girl?" Chandler asked, falling into step next to Jay.

"Lindsay's not my girl," Jay said, "She's my partner."

Chandler waved his hand in the air, "Halstead, you talk about her non-stop. All the guys and I thought she was yours."

"Well she's not," Jay snapped, "And she'd fucking kill you if she heard you say that."

He stomped off to the Humvee, pushing thoughts of Erin from his mind.

* * *

><p>"Shit, shit, fuck," Jay scrambled down the side of the hilltop they had been shooting from.<p>

He landed, hard on his hands and knees, next to Chandler and Kyle Ross, another sharpshooter in the regiment.

"Where were you hit?" he demanded, dropping his rifle to the side and scrambling to find the entry wound on Chandler. There was blood covering the ground and Jay couldn't avoid kneeling in it.

"I'm fine, Halstead. Don't get your panties in a wad," Chandler grimaced, trying not to move his shoulder.

Jay grunted, "Don't be an asshole," he pressed down hard on the bullet hole, Ross shoving his sleeve into Chandler's mouth to muffle his scream or pain.

Jay could feel the blood bubbling under his fingers, and he hated it. The rest of the unit was at the bottom of the hill, scouting. Jay needed Ross to help him get Chandler down to the Humvee and back to camp.

"Grab him," he directed Ross, "If he stays out here with a hole in his shoulder, he's going to get an infection."

Ross nodded, "We need to stay low. They'll shoot at us again."

Chandler was steadily turning paler as his blood dripped to the dirt, "I'll fucking crawl if I have to."

Jay laughed mirthlessly, "You just might."

He poked his head up, scanning the area for insurgents. It looked clear, so he gestured to Ross. The two of them hauled Chandler by his armpits down the hill.

They stopped every few feet so Chandler could rest. Jay continued to put pressure on the entrance wound while still scanning for more threats.

"Almost there, Chandler," Jay said, "You're doing good."

"Pft," Chandler blew an angry breath of air between his lips, "I'm slower than my grandmother after her hip replacement. I'm gonna kill every last one of the bastards."

Jay grinned at Ross over Chandler's bent head. If he was talking like that, he would be fine.

Suddenly, the dirt at their feet exploded into clumps, thanks to a smattering of bullets.

"Shit," Jay cursed, dropping to the ground and yanking Chandler and Ross with him. They were so fucking close to the base of the hill too.

"Can you crawl?" he heard Ross ask Chandler. When the injured soldier grunted an affirmative response, the three men began crawling quickly down the last few feet of the hill.

They practically threw themselves to the flat ground.

"Let's go, let's go, let's go," Jay ranted, hauling Chandler to the Humvee and sending Ross to quickly gather the rest of the men.

They peeled away from the base of the hill in a cloud of dirt and bullet fire.

* * *

><p>Jay was exhausted after the ordeal with Chandler and the ISIS forces this morning. He should have been trying to get some rest since they were going to have to go back out tomorrow.<p>

But it was still early for him, only 5 o'clock, and he wanted to try and reach Erin again.

He was too tired to calculate what time it actually was in Chicago, so he just crossed his fingers that she'd be home.

As usual, the computer took to long to make a connection to some kind of satellite and Jay was left fidgeting in his seat while he waited.

Finally, the computer connected and Jay was greeted with the sight of Erin's face.

Erin's very banged up, bruised face.

"What the hell happened to you, Lindsay?" Jay exclaimed, leaning forward to get a better look at her face.

"Good to see you too, Halstead," she grinned, or at least tried to. The left side of her face was swollen and didn't move as well as the right.

Jay softened, "Hi, good to see you. Now, what the hell happened to your face?" he narrowed his eyes, "It wasn't Severide, was it?"

Lindsay shook her head, "Are you an ass? Kelly wouldn't do this to me."

Halstead shrugged, "I don't really know the guy. Besides, when I left he was still getting drunk every night since Shay's death."

Lindsay looked down, "Well, he's not doing that anymore. It's been almost six months."

"Sorry," Jay apologized, and changing the subject, "What time's it over there?"

"Little after nine," Lindsay said, casting her glance down at her watch, "You?"

"Little after five," Jay laughed, "Shouldn't you be at work?"

"Yeah," Lindsay admitted, "I should be. But Voight gave me the morning off to recover from this," she gestured to her face.

Jay nodded, "Nice of him. How'd it happen?"

Lindsay sighed, "Last night we went on a drug bust. I got a little distracted, and one of the guys got the jump on me. It looks worse than it feels."

Jay scoffed, "Well it must hurt like a bitch, because you look like hell. And you don't get distracted, what's going on?"

Jay could see the hesitation behind Erin's eyes before she answered.

"First of all, a girl doesn't see her partner for months and he tells her she looks like hell? Really gentlemanly, Halstead," she said, stalling for time, "And second of all, I'm allowed to have off days."

"Yeah, you're allowed to have them, but you don't," Jay said, ignoring the way the connection was going fuzzy. He probably only have a few more minutes before it crapped out on him.

"It was seriously nothing, Jay," Erin said, "Burgess and I just miscommunicated."

And as she said that, the little voice in the back of Jay's head started whispering, 'It's your fault she's hurt. You weren't there to have her back. It's all on you.'

"Shit, Erin, I'm sorry," he said, running his hand over his face, "I should've been there."

Erin cocked her head, "Don't be an idiot. That could have happened if you were here too."

"It wouldn't have," Jay said, movement out of the corner of his eye catching his attention. It was Ross, gesturing wildly, "Look, I gotta go. Slap a steak on your face and get some rest. I'll see you."

She nodded, a worry line forming in between her eyebrows, "Jay, be careful, okay?"

"Always am," he grinned wryly, waving to her as he closed the connection.

* * *

><p>It was August.<p>

Jay Halstead was getting pissed off.

It was getting harder and harder to stay positive about their mission in Syria. Chandler had been sent back to the States months ago; his shoulder wound wasn't healing right, so he needed better medical care.

They'd gone out on countless missions and only succeeded in a handful of them.

Jay just wanted to get home to Chicago.

Ross entered the tent, "Hey, Halstead, we got intel on another terror group. About two miles from here."

"ISIS?" Jay asked, standing up and pulling on his jacket.

Ross shrugged, "Not sure. Doesn't look like it though."

Jay sighed, "Just get Anderson, Michaels, and Harper. We'll take a small group to see what's happening and then come back here to plan a strategy."

Ross nodded, "How soon are we going?"

Halstead shrugged, "Ten minutes. Just get the guys and meet me by the Humvee."

Halstead watched his new second-in-command leave the tent. Goddammit, he was never going to be able to leave this hellhole.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Halstead," Anderson, an African-American man with an easy smile despite their current situation, called to the front of the Humvee, "We heard you got a letter from your girl back home."<p>

Halstead grinned, shook his head, and flipped Anderson the bird, "She's not my girl, I keep telling you assholes."

Michaels, a short brunette with a minor Napoleon complex, laughed, "Not how the letter made it sound. All full of "Jay"s, and "I miss you"s, and "when are you coming home"s?"

Halstead turned in the passenger seat, "You fuckers read my letter?"

"We were curious about your girl," Harper laughed, sounding more like a pig than a person.

Halstead grimaced; he liked Anderson and Michaels just fine, but Harper was an ass.

"If any of you read my shit again, I'm gonna –" Jay's threat was cut off as the Humvee bounced over something.

The next second Jay was aware of the fact that he was in the air. His body landed painfully on something and he could smell smoke.

He barely had time to let out a groan before his vision went black.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hello my loves and Happy Saturday! I'm very excited to bring you this chapter, because it sets up some fun stuff that'll be coming up. As promised, this chapter is all about Jay. I'm not spoiling anything that's coming up, but it's going to be fun. **

**The scene with Erin and Jay video chatting was suggested by TvRomances. So thank you for that =)**

**My inbox is always open to prompts and whatever. Also, come chat with me after the episodes! I love squealing about Linstead with you guys =)**

**Enjoy! **


	7. Chapter 7

"Let me in! Let me in!" Erin screamed, "I'm FAMILY!"

She pushed against the nurse that was trying to calm her down. The poor woman hadn't been expecting an enraged Chicago cop to come barreling through the doors.

"Ma'am, please, you need to calm down and take a seat," her slight German accent made her words seem harsher than they actually were.

Erin shook her head, "No, no, no, you don't understand! I have to go through. My partner is in there and he's hurt. LET ME THROUGH!"

Erin tried to strong arm her way past, but hands grabbed at her upper arms and she was pulled away from the nurse.

"Hey, hey, Erin, calm down," Antonio wrapped his arms around her in a hug, "We'll find out what's happening."

Erin wiped angrily at the tears forming in her eyes, "I need to know now, Tonio."

Antonio sighed, "I know. Take a seat and I'll talk to a nurse. Okay?"

She nodded stiffly and sat on one of the hard plastic chairs.

Antonio strode to the nurse's desk, angry with the situation.

"Excuse me, I need to know Jay Halstead's current status," he said, using a commanding tone.

The nurse sitting behind the desk looked up, "Sir, I can not give away information unless you are family."

Antonio rubbed a hand over his face. He didn't think that the idea of being in the Intelligence family would work out here.

"He doesn't have any family," Antonio said, "No dependents."

The German nurse narrowed her eyes and cast her gaze over Antonio's shoulder to look at Erin, "She is Erin Lindsay, is she not?"

Antonio nodded, "Yes. She's his emergency contact, but she's in no state to hear about his condition. I wanted to soften the blow."

The nurse frowned, "I am sorry, but we can not give information to anyone that is not on the list."

Antonio nodded, "Thanks."

He sat down next to Erin, "You calmer yet?"

Erin nodded, her face a stoic mask, "I'm good. I need to see Jay though."

Antonio said, "Good, because they won't tell me anything."

Erin gave a half smile, "I guess I'm going to have to be a big girl and hear it without a sugar coating, huh?"

"Sorry," Antonio said, holding out a hand to pull Erin to her feet, "I tried."

* * *

><p>"The doc said he was going to be okay," Antonio reminded Erin while they stood outside of Jay's hospital room, "Just focus on that."<p>

Erin nodded, "I know. It's...I didn't think he'd ever get hurt over there."

Her gaze was focused on a spot in the distance; she couldn't seem to think about anything other than the fact that Jay had been blown up by an IED.

Antonio cupped Erin's elbow in his hand, getting her attention, "Do you want to go in?"

Erin looked up at Antonio's face and then at Jay's door. She wished Voight had come with her. She loved Antonio like a brother, but sometimes a girl just needs her dad.

Antonio stayed quiet at her side, letting her decide what their next move was.

Eventually she nodded, "Okay, let's see him."

Antonio opened the door and Erin reached out blindly to grab onto his hand. She didn't trust her legs to support her.

Antonio, for his part, didn't say anything about Erin's uncharacteristic actions.

Antonio quietly and carefully led Erin into the hospital room, nudging the door shut behind them.

Erin gasped and her hands flew up to cover her mouth as soon as she laid eyes on Jay.

"Oh my god," she moaned, tears prickling at her eyes. She turned away from the bed and pressed her forehead against Antonio's shoulder.

Antonio grimaced at the sight of Jay.

Their friend looked, frankly, like shit. He was wrapped in plaster, due to a broken arm, hand, ankle, and leg. His chest looked bulkier; six broken ribs had to be bound. Jay's face was a bruised, bloody, and swollen mess and his head was wrapped in a thick layer of gauze.

Erin made a squeaking noise as Antonio stepped forward, dragging her along.

"I can't...I need to..." Erin made a break for the door, but Antonio caught her wrist.

"You can, Erin. He's fine," Antonio said sternly, "Jay's gonna need us when he wakes up and when he comes home. So you'd better get used to this."

Erin chewed on the inside of her cheek and stepped towards Jay. Antonio released her wrist and hung back, letting Erin have a minute.

"Oh, Jay," she breathed, reaching out to tentatively brush the back of his bruised hand with her fingertips.

She sunk into the chair next to the bed as if her legs just couldn't hold her up anymore.

Antonio watched as she tried not to break down. She was trying so hard to be strong. But he knew it had to be hard.

He'd seen the way they interacted. There was something between them. They probably hadn't acted on it because of Voight, but Antonio could see the connection. It made him miss Laura. He needed to get her back.

"Erin," he said softly, breaking her attention from Jay.

"Yeah?" She said, her voice even raspier from emotion.

"I'm gonna go get coffee. I'll be back in a few minutes, okay?"

She nodded, turning her gaze back to Jay before Antonio had even finished his sentence.

* * *

><p>After Antonio left the room, Erin started to talk.<p>

"You asshole," she murmured, holding Jay's hand in between both of her own, "You said you'd come back in one piece."

Erin waited, hoping that Jay would open his eyes and scowl at her for calling him an asshole.

"You promised me," she sighed, dropping her head to rest against Jay's forearm, "You promised me."

She wanted to be angry. She wanted to rage at something, someone. But, Erin realized, she mostly felt numb. Numb and empty.

"I miss you Jay," she said, watching as the tube down his throat made Jay's chest rise and fall.

She sighed again. Antonio would be back soon, and they were only cleared to stay in Germany for a week. She wanted to sit at Jay's side until he woke up.

"Please just wake up, Jay," Erin bit her lip, ignoring the years that slipped down her cheeks, "Please. For me."

Her thumb rubbed gently over the back of Jay's hand.

"Being partnered with Kim isn't the same," Erin murmured, "She doesn't care that I always drive."

Jay's chest rose and fell artificially.

"If you get better soon, I'll let you drive," Erin smiled halfheartedly.

Jay didn't answer, but she hadn't expected him to.

She just wanted her partner back.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: wow, I'm kind of on a roll. Updating everything this weekend lol. I loved this chapter. Lots of fun Jay whump and Erin breakdowns. ****  
><strong>

**I (finally) created an outline for this story, it's going to have probably 4 more chapters. I'm hoping I can get the next one out by next weekend, but it's going to be a busy week for me, so i can't guarantee it. In the meantime, I would love it if you guys dropped me a review =)**


	8. Chapter 8

Erin dropped into the familiar chair next to Jay's bed, "Hey, Jay. How're you feeling?"

She felt silly talking to him while he was still in the medical coma. But the doctor had gently explained that he could probably hear her, and that it might help him. So she talked to him. She talked until her mouth went dry.

"Antonio dragged me to some German castle last night. He said I should see something other than the inside of a hospital while we're here," Erin sighed.

She hadn't wanted to go sightseeing, but visiting hours had ended and Antonio had insisted.

"I love Antonio, but I wish you had been with me," Erin said, gently taking hold of Jay's bruised hand and rubbing it with her thumb.

"The doctors say that you're doing better," Erin's voice wavered, "But I don't see any change. I guess I have to take their word for it."

Erin and Antonio had been in Germany for a week now, and while Jay was still in the coma, Antonio had remarked that most of his bruises had gone that weird yellow-green color that meant they were healing.

"You'll see, Erin," Antonio had said two days ago, "He'll be back fighting Chicago's worst in no time."

Erin had made a noncommittal noise; it was hard enough to see Jay like this, she didn't want to get her hopes up, just in case...

"I wish we could stay longer," Erin said, "But Voight only gave us a week."

Jay didn't answer, he never answered, but his eyelids twitched.

Erin sighed again. His eyelids had been twitching for a couple of days now. She remembered when it had first happened. She'd been so damn excited, so she ran out into the hallway, calling for a doctor. She had thought it meant Jay would wake up soon.

But, she frowned, here they were three days later, and he was still asleep.

"I'm going to call every day when I'm back in Chicago," Erin said, "And your nurses, who're really nice despite my freak-out on them, they know to call me at any time if something happens."

Erin impulsively reached out and brushed Jay's hair off his forehead, it was longer than she'd ever seen it.

She kind of liked it. But she mostly missed his usual short hair.

"You're in good hands, Jay," she said quietly.

Antonio stuck his head into the room, unfazed by the sight of Erin holding Jay's hand.

"Hey, we gotta head out," Antonio frowned, "I know you'd rather stay, but..."

Erin nodded, cutting him off, "It's fine. I know we have a flight. I just...don't like leaving him here. He should be coming home with us."

She gave Jay's hand one more light squeeze before pulling on her jacket and walking to the door.

Antonio threw his arm around her shoulder, "He's in good hands. Hey, who knows? By the time we get off the plane at home, he could be wide awake."

Erin nodded, trying to put on a stoic mask. Antonio was a good person to have around in a crisis. He was steady.

She was not.

* * *

><p>Erin knew she should have taken the day off after they had gotten home from Germany. Antonio had.<p>

He had gone home to Laura and the kids to fall asleep immediately.

Erin knew that despite her jetlag there was no way she'd fall asleep. Not when she was worrying about Jay like it was her job.

Voight probably would make her stay at her desk, but even that was better than just sitting at home and worrying.

Erin jogged up the steps to the precinct and pulled the door open.

She smiled at Roman and Burgess, quickly saying, "Sorry! I'm late," to avoid stopping and having a conversation with Kim.

She knew her friend would have a million questions about Jay, but Erin just couldn't answer them right now.

Kim nodded, "We're getting drinks tonight at Molly's."

Her tone brokered no arguments, and Erin could only agree.

Kim was a good friend.

"Welcome home, Detective Lindsay," Sergeant Platt called from her desk.

Erin plastered a smile on her face (she was sure it looked more like a grimace), "Thanks, Sergeant. Um, it's nice to be home."

A blatant fucking lie. She didn't want to be in Chicago. She wanted to be with Jay.

Platt nodded, "You have a visitor. He's in the waiting room."

Erin crinkled her nose. A visitor? She really hoped it was someone she could quickly dismiss.

"Thanks," she said, giving Platt a halfhearted wave and hurrying into the closed off room.

There was a man sitting in the chair in front of her. Erin had never seen him before in her life.

The man stood up, and held his hand out to her, "You must be Jay's girl, Erin. I'm Ed Chandler. I was in Halstead's unit, at least until I got sent home cause of an infected gunshot wound."

Erin shook Chandler's hand in a daze.

Jay's girl.

He'd called her Jay's girl.

Erin nodded after she realized she'd been silent for a few minutes, "Yes, I'm Erin Lindsay. Um, it's nice to meet you."

Chandler nodded and gave her a subdued smile, "How's he doing? I heard the boys ran over an IED. Fucking pieces of shit ISIS. Last I heard, Jay was in Germany."

"He's still there," Erin said, still reeling at being called 'Jay's girl,' "We…uh…had to come back to work."

"Is he any closer to waking up?' Chandler asked.

Erin shrugged, "I don't know. The doctor over there said his vitals were looking better, but…" she trailed off. It felt weird to be talking about Jay with his man she didn't even know.

"I'm sorry," Chandler said, "He's a good guy. He pulled me out of an ambush when I got shot. I wish I had been there with him."

"Then you'd probably be dead like the rest of his unit," Erin said bluntly, she was tired, and talking about Jay being at war was making her want to vomit, "I wish Jay had been in your position. At least he'd have been home months ago, and in one fucking piece."

Chandler gaped at Erin as she stormed out of the room, the door slamming shut behind her.

* * *

><p>"How you doing, kid?" Al leaned against the wall behind Erin's desk.<p>

Erin looked up from the paperwork Voight had assigned her, "As good as can be expected, Al. I miss him."

Al nodded, "At least he's alive, Erin. The others weren't so lucky."

"I know," she sighed, "I just keep thinking about him over in Germany. He looks like shit, Al. He's like one giant bruise. And they had to bring down swelling in his brain, so he's got a four inch cut on the side of his head."

"It's tough, seeing him like that. I know," Al sat in Antonio's abandoned chair, "But when he wakes up, he's got a whole unit here ready to help him."

Al reached out an patted her hand, "Just stay positive. I've got a feeling Halstead's going to lean on you the most."

Al's eyes twinkled as he stood up and headed back to Voight's office.

Weirdly enough, Erin felt better after Al's little pep talk.

She bit her lip and bent her head over paperwork again. Maybe she'd go to the gym later. That always seemed to help her sort through her thoughts.

And if she was sorted out, she'd be even better to help Jay.

Stay positive for Jay, that was her new mission.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hi guys, I know, I know. It's been AAAAGESS since I updated. I'm so sorry about that. But I am in school full time, and I'm interning this semester and i had some family issues. And I know excuses don't make it better, but hopefully a new chapter will! **

**I do plan on finishing this story, it might just take me a little time. I also have a Linstead Parent Trap AU planned so drop me a review letting me know what you think of that and if you guys have anything you'd like to see from the movie. **

**I have to thank rebelangel566 for the idea of Erin meeting some guys from Jay's unit and being called "Jay's girl" I kind of tweaked that idea and turned it into Erin meeting Chandler. I hope you like it! **

**I've got a few more chapters planned for this story and I hope you guys will stay with me while I finish it =)**

**Enjoy! And please leave me a review, they really make my days so much better =D**


	9. Chapter 9

Erin flipped through the file on her desk. She was looking for a connection between their suspect and victim.

But her mind wasn't completely on her task.

Her gaze darted to her desk phone, willing it to ring. She just needed to know if Jay was okay. She'd been back in Chicago for three days now and it wasn't getting any easier being away from Jay.

"Hey," Voight stuck his head around the doorframe to his office, "Erin, come in here."

Erin pushed away from her desk and slipped into Voight's office, shutting the door carefully behind her.

"What's up, Hank?" she asked, leaning against the wall.

"I need you to go home," Voight said, steepleing his fingers, "You're head's not here, and I can't have you getting hurt on the job. Go home."

Erin scowled, "I'm fine! I want to be here."

"Yeah, okay," Voight scoffed.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Erin pushed away from the wall and stalked to stand in front of Voight's desk.

"It means," Voight started, "I've seen you stare more at your phone in the last three days than you have in the last three years."

"That's... I'm..." Erin stuttered, "I need to know when he wakes up!"

Voight sighed, "I know you're worried, Erin. But I can't have it affecting your work. Either focus or go back to Germany."

Erin's eyes widened. Seriously? He was going to let her go?

Voight must have seen something in her expression, because he continued, "I still don't want you two messing around, but I know what it's like to have a partner in bad shape. And you've got a big heart, Erin. Don't let it get hurt."

Erin's eyes welled with tears, "I won't."

She gave Voight a watery smile and headed out of his office.

She got to the door and turned, "Thank you, Hank."

Voight smirked, but there was warmth in his eyes, "I didn't give you anything but some time off."

Erin nodded. Maybe not in so many words. But it felt like Voight had given his unofficial permission for *something.* And for that she was grateful.

* * *

><p>Erin stepped off the plane in Germany hours later. She was so mixed-up she didn't know if it was morning, afternoon, or night. All she knew was that she needed to get to Jay's side as fast a possible.<p>

The cab she hailed was driving too slow. She sighed, looking at the sights outside her window, but not really seeing them.

After what felt like an interminable drive, the cab pulled up outside the familiar army hospital. Erin quickly fumbled to give the driver money before jumping out and onto the sidewalk.

"Thank you," she murmured to the cabbie.

"Bitte. Ich hoffe, dass Ihre Liebsten in Ordnung ist," he replied. Erin had no idea what he had said, but she felt better.

Her stomach was in knots as she headed up to Jay's floor. Waiting for the elevator doors to open, she noticed that her hands were shaking. She sighed and shoved her hands roughly into the pockets of her hoodie.

The elevator dinged open on Jay's floor, and Erin took a tentative step out. She hiked her backpack higher up on her shoulder and leaned against the nurse's station.

"Hi, excuse me," she said, tapping lightly on the countertop.

A younger nurse that hadn't been here when Erin was last in Germany looked up, "Hello, who are you here to see?"

Her German accent was thicker than the other nurses Erin had spoken to on the phone, but it was somehow comforting.

Erin's lips quirked up into a sort of half smile as she said, "Jay Halstead, please."

The nurse smiled broadly, "Ah, you are Erin Lindsay! The other nurses tell me that you sit with Jay all night."

Erin nodded, "I did, when I was here. I had to go back home for a few weeks. But, uh, I'd like to see him."

The nurse nodded, and once she stood up, Erin could see that her nametag read 'Elsa.'

"Come," she said, waving her hand, "I will bring you to Sergeant Halstead."

Erin did a double take as Elsa handed her a visitor's tag. She had forgotten that Jay was a Staff Sergeant. She only knew him as a Detective.

_Staff Sergeant Halstead_, she thought. It had a nice ring to it.

She traced the edges of her visitor's badge as she followed Elsa down the hallway.

It was the second week of September, she realized with a jolt. Jay had been in the medical coma for two weeks. Somehow it felt like much longer.

"He is very lucky," Elsa said, holding the door open for Erin.

"Hmm?" she murmured absently, her gaze was already on Jay's still figure.

"To have such a loving family waiting for him to get better," Elsa clarified, "We answer calls from America all the time. Jay has a few brothers and sisters, and his father, and uncle and aunt. They call for him all the time."

Erin almost shook her head. Jay didn't have any siblings, or family that she knew of. Then she realized.

The unit.

They were all calling. The boys. Kim. Nadia. Al. Voight. Platt, even, it sounded like.

Erin's eyes filled with tears and her throat felt tight.

"Yeah," she nodded, "He's got a lot of family that are waiting for him back home."

"He will fight, then," Elsa smiled, "He knows you all want him home and safe."

She gestured to a chair in the corner, "I will leave you alone now. If you need anything, please feel free to come and find me."

"Thank you," Erin said softly, her voice cracking from emotion. Elsa simply nodded and closed the door partway.

Erin still couldn't believe everyone was calling to check up on Jay. Even Voight. That surprised her most of all.

She smiled to herself, Voight really was a big old softy.

Dropping her bag to the floor, Erin dragged the heavy wooden chair closer to Jay's bed.

"Hey, Halstead," she greeted him quietly, grabbing onto his hand, "We miss you."

Erin studied Jay's face carefully. He was tan, despite having been in the hospital. She guessed it was from the sun in the Middle East.

His hair had been cut since she had last been here. It was now back to his normal length. Erin didn't know if Jay looking more like Jay was making this easier or harder.

"Are you ready to come home?" Erin asked, running her thumb over the back of Jay's hand. There were tiny cuts marking the skin, and one longer and deeper gash going from his wrist to halfway up his forearm.

"Everyone has called here asking about you," Erin continued her one-sided monologue while cataloguing every one of Jay's visible injuries.

There was the cut across his forehead and through his right eyebrow that would definitely scar. There were the broken ribs and the smashed ankle that would need rehab. He had minor burns on his arms, legs, and back.

Jay's eyelids twitched.

Erin refused to get her hopes up. She had seen that before, and nothing had come from it.

_At least it means he has brain function_, Antonio had said.

Erin had agreed. But she hadn't voice that thought that Jay might never be the same when – if – he woke up.

She was going to be positive for Jay. She had to be.

* * *

><p>Erin fell asleep in the chair, her body bent at the waist and her top half resting on Jay's bed.<p>

Her ringing phone jolted her awake hours later.

Groggily, Erin fumbled in her pocket for her phone.

"What?" she grunted.

Voight laughed on the other end, "Geez, you're pleasant for someone who just got time off of work."

Erin sighed, sat up straight, and winced. Her neck was sore. She rubbed at it as she spoke to Voight, "You got a reason for calling at," she pulled the phone away from her face to check the time, "3 am?"

"Yeah, I do, kiddo," Voight said, "It's 8 pm here and I haven't heard from you all day."

"You were worried," Erin grinned slyly.

Voight scoffed, "I didn't say that. Just thought you'd call when you landed."

"I'm sorry," Erin said softly, "I was distracted."

"Yeah?" Voight said, "How is the distraction?"

Erin glanced at Jay out of the corner of her eye, "Same, I guess. Better. I don't know."

"He'll be fine, Erin," Voight's voice was reassuring in her ear.

Erin nodded, and then remembering that Voight couldn't see her, said, "I hope you're right, Hank."

They spoke for a few more minutes, but Erin yawned wide enough to cause her jaw to crack, and Voight finally told her that she should head to her hotel and get some sleep.

"How do you know I'm not at my hotel now?" Erin smiled.

"Because I know you, kiddo. Don't wear yourself out."

"I won't," she promised before hanging up.

Erin dropped the phone onto Jay's side table and rested her head on her palm.

"Are you in there, Jay? Can you even hear me?" she wondered.

Jay's eyelids twitched in response. Erin watched his face carefully.

She leaned forward when a muscle in his jaw jumped. That hadn't happened before.

"Jay?" Erin called tentatively.

Jay's eyelids moved rapidly and his fingers twitched under Erin's hand.

Erin didn't – couldn't – blink.

Jay's eyelids slowly – agonizingly slowly – blinked open.

"Oh my god!" Erin jumped up and shrieked, "Elsa! He's awake! Oh my god!"

Erin dropped to her knees next to the bed and grabbed Jay's hand, "Jay, Jay can you hear me?"

Jay's eyes swiveled back and forth; Erin could see that he was frightened.

"Calm down, Jay. Please just calm down," Erin begged as she was pushed out of the way by Elsa the nurse and a man in a lab coat she hadn't seen before.

They were speaking in rapid-fire German. Erin tried to worm her way back next to Jay's bed.

She couldn't get through but she heard Jay's painful grunt as the breathing tube was removed from his throat.

"Jay…" Erin's voice was small and scared.

The doctor was giving Elsa commands and Erin watched as the young nurse offered Jay a cup of water with a straw.

Jay took a long drink and coughed, splattering water on his bed.

"Is he okay?" she asked, grabbing onto the doctor's sleeve.

The man turned and nodded, "He will be fine. His breathing is good. We will monitor him and evaluate from there."

Erin let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding. Thank God.

"Erin?" Jay's voice was hoarse, but unmistakable.

Erin spun on her heel to face Jay, tears flying from her eyes.

"Hi. Hey, I'm here," she said, sinking down into her previously vacated seat.

Jay tried to smile, but it looked more like a wince. Erin didn't care. At least he was awake.

"Where 'm I?" he asked quietly.

"Army hospital in Germany," Erin responded holding his hand tightly, "Your Humvee ran over an IED."

"Fuck," Jay muttered under his breath, "My guys?"

Erin really wished he hadn't asked.

"Oh, Jay," she said, shaking her head, "I'm so sorry."

Jay's blue eyes immediately filled with tears, and few slid down his cheeks, falling into his hair and onto the pillow.

"I'm so, so sorry," Erin said.

Jay shook his head, "Fine."

Erin sighed, he was closing himself off. She could see it.

"Jay, you can't do this. Don't let it eat you alive," she murmured.

Jay coughed again and Erin immediately placed the straw in between his lips.

Once he had stopped coughing, Jay frowned, "Said I was fine, Er."

Erin nodded, "Okay. Maybe just get some sleep? We can talk more in the morning?"

Jay nodded, his eyes already closing again.

Erin sucked in a deep breath, watching Jay's chest to see when his breathing steadied.

He was out like a light within minutes.

With her free hand, Erin wiped the tears from her eyes. He was awake. He was alive.

He had gone through hell.

And if the look in his eyes had been any indication, it wasn't over yet.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: First off, the cabbie's words translated to English are :**(you're welcome. I hope your loved one is okay)

**Now, I'm so, so sorry for the ridiculously long wait in between chapters. I'm a terrible person. I know. I really feel bad about making you guys wait so long. I hope this chapter was worth the wait, I really do. **

**I'm off form school for the next month, so I'll have time to update a few more times before spring semester starts up again. I would really appreciate feedback from you guys. It honest makes my day =)**


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